Recently I sat down with Azhar, Pakistani and Azziza, African American, to discuss their experience raising two children (Majied -12 and Azhara – 6) in America while navigating racism and Islamophobia. Both were born Muslim, they have been married since 2000 and reside in Michigan.
Black Seedlings: What conversations do you have with your children about race and Islam?
Azziza: We are trying to instill self- love and self-respect in them. If they do not have those traits then their deen [religion] will be lacking. We also try to surround them with Black people because in their day to day they are surrounded by white people at school, Pakistanis at the masjid and at family functions. We try to show them positive representations of Black people and Muslims. We also explain and discuss negative stereotypes so they do not begin to believe them.
Azhar: With Azhara we make it a point to tell her how beautiful and intelligent she is. We understand that America’s beauty standards are based on white/European factors, and we do not want her to grow up with a complex. We re-enforce how talented and beautiful she is both on the inside and outside.
Black Seedlings: Azziza, as an African American woman, what do you tell your children about being Black in America?
Azziza: I want them to know our history did not start with slavery. We were Muslims, African Kings, and Queens, tradespeople, scientists, farmers, etc; we had complex structures, belief systems, we had lived in Africa before we were stolen from our homeland. I also want them to be proud of both of their cultures, African American and Pakistani.
Azhar: I let them know that the world will largely look at them as Black that they will need to expand their Blackness more than their Pakistani-ness. Pakistanis will not generally accept them because they are mixed with Black. I want them to love their Blackness. We want Majied to understand what Blackness means, for him to formulate his own identity, and to tie it to positivity, not negativity. We try to expose him to the positive experience in Black culture.
Black Seedlings: Azziza, was there anything about the Black American experience that Azhar did not understand?
Azziza: Yes, the difference between living the experience versus reading about it and having Black friends. To know and understand that Black people are not monolithic, everyone’s experience is different and does not make one wrong or right.
Black Seedlings: Has your view of racism and Islamophobia changed since having children?
Azhar: No, I have been dealing with white supremacy for years. I understand the negative effects of white and Arab supremacy, which are both horrible.
Azziza: No, but I’m more aware of racism and Islamophobia. Unfortunately, some people are more vocal in expressing their prejudice. Now, I give people fewer excuses for their behavior.
Black Seedlings: How do your children identify? Has this identity morphed or changed over time?
Typically, if asked they say Pakistani, Muslim and African American. But Azhara usually says Pakistani before African American and Majied says African American before Pakistani.
Majied: Pakistani people know that I’m Black and Black people know that I’m biracial.
Black Seedlings: In the future, if your children only identify as Black or as Pakistani, how would you feel?
Azziza: I would prefer them to identify as both because they are both.
Azhar: I agree. If they chose to identify as only one race then I would prefer if it to be Black because that is how the world views them, even Pakistanis. I do not want them to feel hurt that Pakistanis will not fully accept them because they are biracial and not just Pakistani.
Black Seedlings: Did you share the stories of Tamir Rice, Mike Brown and Trayvon Martin with your children?
Azziza: Yes, Majied knows. We also tell him to never leave a store without a bag. I tell him that they are not going to look at the receipt just the item without a bag. I tell him that it’s important for him to protect himself, even when hanging out with white friends. I’ve told him that no matter how close he is with his white friends, the world will afford them more opportunities and excuses for their misbehavior than he will receive. Unfortunately, that is the sad truth but it is the truth.
Black Seedlings: Are you raising your children to be colorblind or with the ”we don’t see color” mentality?
Azziza: No because there is no such thing as colorblind, it is ignorance. It is impossible not to see race. If you can’t see my blackness, then you can’t see me for who I truly am. Each nationality and ethnicity are generally raised with different belief systems and cultures. By being ‘colorblind’ you are stripping away people’s heritage and culture.
Black Seedlings: Have the children faced any type of discrimination in your families and the outside Muslim/Non-Muslim communities based on their race or religion?
Azziza: When I was pregnant with Majied, my mother in law, said: “I hope Majied is our color”. Azhar spoke to his mother about the prejudicial ignorance and hurtful connotations of her comment. Azhar is very quick to defend the truth – no matter who is saying them. He is definitely an ally. Also, recently, Azhar’s teen cousin made a negative comment about Black people and their predilections for guns. After Azhar spoke with the teen about the negativity of his comment; he immediately apologized and felt bad about what he said and his father also apologized because he had taught him better. We haven’t experienced any type of outwardly Islamophobia as our Midwestern city, is generally very outwardly liberal and accepting. My African-American family initially was a bit skeptical about Azhar’s intent and reasoning for wanting to marry me – Pakistanis rarely marry non-Pakistanis. Once they got to know him they welcomed him into our family and his family has done to me. My Indo-Pak in-laws have been Godsend – they have treated me very, very well. I feel loved, accepted, valued and appreciated. Allah has truly blessed me.
