“There are certain life lessons that you can only learn in the struggle.” ― Idowu Koyenikan, Wealth for All: Living a Life of Success at the Edge of Your Ability
In 2016, we hungrily awaited for 2017 because it was supposed to be a bright new start. It was supposed to wash us clean from 2016 dumpster stink. But 2017 wasn’t a savior, it was 2016 evil twin. Globally, it was another year of sadness, death, destruction, blatantly racism, and ignorance. But personally, there were some success and several moments of personal emotional growth. These are some of the most important things I learned in 2017.
1. It is okay to be happy. The question that some Muslims, including myself, struggled with is how can we be happy when people in our community and across the globe are dying and suffering. After conversations with my religious circle (family, husband and Imam’s wife), I learned that this thought process was incorrect. Even though Muslims are taught that this world is a test and like all test, it will not be easy to pass, it does not mean that we should shun happiness. There will be joy, jubilant, and happiness, and it is okay to experience, want and pray for them.
2. Not to be lackadaisical in my friendships. In past friendships, I’ve always followed the lead. If a friend wanted to go to a particular restaurant, movie, etc then I was always down for the cause but rarely did I suggest an outing. I was okay with it. However, in establishing new friendships, I wanted to have a different experience. But to do that meant I had to stop being inactive. I would have to step outside my comfort zone and suggest activities. Doing this helped me realized, I enjoyed planning outings especially since that enabled me to control when they occurred and how long they lasted.
3. Not my monkey. Not my circus. This was a major lesson learned that allowed me to have more happy moments. My family is large, which means there is always something going on and most of the time it is not positive. The Kid even asks why my family has so much drama. Typically, I allowed myself to be caught up in every drama, which could mean multiple conference calls, family text messages and sisters’ text messages about those calls and messages. The drama could last from one day to weeks, just depending on the situation. All of this negatively affects my mental health, the mood of my house and waste a lot of my time. Through therapy, I learned to ask myself if there’s anything I can do to help the situation. If the answer is nothing, which it is most of the time, then I remove myself from the situation because it is not my monkey nor my circus.
4. I do not have to do it all. If I feel like I need help regardless of how big or small that does not make me any less of a person, mother or wife. There’s no shame in me asking for help. And if I have to pay for help then that is okay, too. I fully admit that I cannot do it all and I’m not willing to break my back to try. Maybe others in my situation can but I cannot and I’m okay with that.
